Exercises 


For Couples and Re-formed Families

Write a letter to each other:
Describe in detail what is tentative  
Describe in detail where contact seems weak
Describe the rhythm of an evening at home
Reflect on what is reaching the other, what is not
Write about what it’s like to ‘live with that’
Write about “it would make such a difference to me if you….”

What old wounds you discover every time you fight

Describe the rhythms and norms that you notice
Describe the mini-families and alliances you notice

Write a list of your fears and share it….

Talk, while the other listens, for 2 minutes…no interruptions - 
Discuss what matters most to you and your relationship
Notice how you self-soothe and soothe others
Ask who bears the impact of certain behaviors?
Ask what behaviors invite certain reciprocal behaviors?
Ask who plays the role of the SHOULD?
What stories are told to continue justifying certain behavior?
What do you want others to know about your experience?
Choose one or two specific things you’d like to change

Time how quickly your partner can calm you down…..

Have a conversation with your partner while they are lying with their head in your lap

Plan a fight for a certain amount of time and stick to it….then discuss how the fight went

Write a short story about:
    Fantasy - we can be the perfect couple/family
    Confusion - what’s wrong with us
    Make or break time - why so much anger, hurt and fear is in the air
    Re-forming - we can be what we want to be
    Acceptance - we can be a family


You can be right or you can be married, so they say…...